Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Tales from the Stat Rat

Does anyone still even check these?

Well, in case there are (lurkers) around, I figure I better update from college:

I said when I started this year that I would change. I'd lay low for awhile, and give myself something I haven't had since early Freshman year in high school: a chance to relax. I told myself I wouldn't join a million things, be that central person again. This way I could do my work, and concentrate on who I was to be.

I failed. I guess there's some part of me that just isn't satisfied with a quiet, empty schedule. I ran and was elected to our Student Government, interviewed and became an ambassador for Wagner, and am a vocal member of the Residence Hall Association. Between these activities and class, I'm pressed for time for anything else, making phone calls with old friends, internet, recreation, love...

I've broke my heart twice, but in the end I believe it was my fault. I didn't devote enough time and effort in it. But another obstacle got in the way in both instances: the fact that I've made a choice not to drink. I feel so alienated from 90% of the student body just because I can't have a good time with people. I just don't know how to handle drunk people, drunkeness, and partying in general, to the point where I avoid it to the extent of being unhappy. I feel too mature here, and coming from the youngest person in the school, that's saying something.

It got to the point where I second guessed my morals. College life really wasnt all it's cracked up to be. It is, just not for me. There are parties, I just dont go. People have blasts, I do homework in the library...every night. There's some times when I go with some friends of mine and we have trips to the city or the movies or something...but it's rare because of my busy schedule, and my reluctance to leave my work.

I enjoy it here. I like being here at Wagner. But i'm afraid that I won't enjoy college, looking back in hindsight unless something changes soon.

Gotta run to a meeting, but there are more and will be more tales from Staten Island to come.

Cya Alcoholics,
~Har

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Climax

In 17 days I will be on my way to a new world.

College is the number one thing on my mind at the moment; as it probably is for all of my readers. In some aspects, I'm extremely excited about moving on, moving forward into a great unknown. But then I'm scared about failing, or making enemies, or losing friends.

The last thought bores into me when I lie awake at night. The reality that I won't be returning to CRHS in September has not yet sunk in. The fact that I wont see my high-school friends any more than I do in the summer has yet to register in my mind. And yet, with all these pre-college preparations (shopping for supplies, new sheets and towels, laundry lessons), that reality speeds nearer and nearer.

It's been one of the best summers of my entire life. In radical contrast to the miserable time I had last year, I've grown to accept Country Oaks, and I've slipped into the place that the other kids kept waiting for me all this time. I've had the chance to experience Florida with my best friend, making it the most enjoyable vacation I've ever had. I'm licensed to drive now, finally, after a year of bumming rides and missing out on parties. I found out I passed my AP Exam and gained the college credits I thought were unattainable back in May.

Looking back at my last post, I laugh when I mentioned all the angst that goes on at the campground on July 4th Weekend. Little did I know I'd be a keystone in it all this year. Little did I know, I'd end up meeting someone at the same time someone had strong feelings for me, and my actions would result in both hurting someone and getting hurt myself. It seems like ancient history now. Now that Im still learning the consequences of my actions that weekend. I had an opportunity to have one of those magical "fireworks moments", the ultimate goal of the holiday weekend, and I blew it with my naivity. Ancient history.

I'm going to miss them. I'm leaving two months shy of the campground's normal Winter Recess in October. But that only really translates into 8 weekends, as everyone's in school during the week. They've already mandated weekends that I'm to return: birthdays, game releases, and End-of-the-Year parties.

It seems as if fate dealt me one last creul card, granting me my license just as summer's end. I've already missed the parties, slipped back into my role as the "Invisible Man" to all my school friends. Now that I finally have some say in where I can go and when, I hope to make amends.

The summer is truly at its climax. The last turning point before the story dwindles to an end. As we all settle into our fall routines, I wish only the best of luck to everyone. Goodbyes are hard, but the silver-lining is that summer will begin again, now in mid-May rather than late June. Haha, Nicole's already planned to skip school to keep me company at the campground. There will be other breaks as well: Christmas, Thanksgiving, for once, we actually get a Spring Break...But I hope that it will not come down to counting down to break when Im up there.

It seems like yesterday I walked across the football field in the hott sun, with the wind whipping that tassel in my face. And now I'm making my final arrangements and counting down the days until I leave for Staten Isle.

My few remaining days of my summer world.

Cya Seahawk Wannabes

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Summer Lovin'

That may have already been one of my post titles...but oh well.

Howdy ya'll! In case you didn't know: It's summer!!!

Well now, let's see where to start this post. The real reason behind it is not to announce it's summer, but to mention how crazy the campground my mom works at will be this coming weekend. For some reason, fourth of July just sparks some kind of hormone in these children that drives them to try to "get with" anything on two legs. I mean honestly, people say Woodstock is bad, but fourth of July down at the campground....woo boy! I mean there's drunkenness, nakedness, rumorness, dramaness, fighting-ness, people setting off illegal fireworks...uh, illegally-ness, and just all around crazy stuff goes on fourth of July. It's kinda the pinnicle of the camping season.

...I'll be calling bingos for old people and helping little kids paint a bunch of figurines my July fourth. However, I'm countin down the days 'til our family vacation down to Orlando, Florida!!!! Yay! Oooo, tomorrow I have to flip my pokemon wall calander too...i need to remember to do that....ANY ways, we're leavin July 10th and comin back the 17th. Its gonna be mucho fun.

Will I be affected this year by the Fourth of July bug? No. But it was a good try. Seeing as I dont drink, smoke, own illegal fireworks, and arent looking for a quick weekend "get with" fix....there's little fourth of July will bring for me except headaches and $$$.

Anybody know a good game to get for my new blue Nintendo DS?

Cya R2-D2s

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Lost Faith

Ugh. Why are people so stupid!? Why cant we all just be civil to one another? Instead, we get off making ourselves feel better than other people by making fun of them. Or by taking their valuable things. Things that belong to THEM, and that are very precious to them, and that they worked very hard to have.

Why didn't I just take the damned thing with me? Or better yet, why did I have to hide my emotion for it from the entire world? I mean the fucking retard that had the thing was right there, in the room with me. Right there the second and third time I asked for it. Right there when I begged and peaded and said I'd never be able to get it back. Right there when I put it down in the first place.

Now I think I have some chance to get it back. A false hope that retreats everytime I think about someone else playing MY DS. MY Games. Games that I bought, that my parents gave ME, my entire Christmas...gone and now in the hands of some undeserving fuck. I can see them now, so satisfied of their little theft, enjoying the spoils.

I was too stupid to think I was among people who I could trust. I was too stupid to trust anyone at all in the first place. And now I pay the price. My Yearbook is empty, I wasted the time for people to sign it while I had to look at the Security Tapes of my entire day. I wasted that time while I watched the minutes tick closer and closer to the final bell of the day, and closer to never seeing my DS again.

I hate people. When we're young, we're so innocent. We've never been hurt, never hurt, never loved, never been in love, never cursed, or smoked, or drunk alcohol, or did drugs. We're so incredibly pure and naive. I'm stupid for thinking I was among individuals who held my same sense of morals.

There are no morals in this world anymore. There's no reason for me to hope that I'll even meet anyone for me. I hate what this world's come to, strayed so far from God's original plan.

Lost Faith

Ugh. Why are people so stupid!? Why cant we all just be civil to one another? Instead, we get off making ourselves feel better than other people by making fun of them. Or by taking their valuable things. Things that belong to THEM, and that are very precious to them, and that they worked very hard to have.

Why didn't I just take the damned thing with me? Or better yet, why did I have to hide my emotion for it from the entire world? I mean the fucking retard that had the thing was right there, in the room with me. Right there the second and third time I asked for it. Right there when I begged and peaded and said I'd never be able to get it back. Right there when I put it down in the first place.

Now I think I have some chance to get it back. A false hope that retreats everytime I think about someone else playing MY DS. MY Games. Games that I bought, that my parents gave ME, my entire Christmas...gone and now in the hands of some undeserving fuck. I can see them now, so satisfied of their little theft, enjoying the spoils.

I was too stupid to think I was among people who I could trust. I was too stupid to trust anyone at all in the first place. And now I pay the price. My Yearbook is empty, I wasted the time for people to sign it while I had to look at the Security Tapes of my entire day. I wasted that time while I watched the minutes tick closer and closer to the final bell of the day, and closer to never seeing my DS again.

I hate people. When we're young, we're so innocent. We've never been hurt, never hurt, never loved, never been in love, never cursed, or smoked, or drunk alcohol, or did drugs. We're so incredibly pure and naive. I'm stupid for thinking I was among individuals who held my same sense of morals.

There are no morals in this world anymore. There's no reason for me to hope that I'll even meet anyone for me. I hate what this world's come to, so far from God's original plan.

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Aftermath

Well, it's come and gone.

For all of you passing bloggers out there on the edge of your seats over this matter, lol (all none of you), I went to the prom. As I said, Prom was essentially no more than a jazzed-up dinner. I counted down the minutes until it ended. It just isn't my thing. I've decided that on a list of the top five places I'd least like to be, a dance floor ranks just under the orthodontist's in the top spot.

After the prom, a few of my friends and I went to the beach. That was pretty fun and relaxing. The water was really really cold. In the end, it was all worth it to spend that time with my good friends.

As far as being a stag at these kind of dances, just make sure you know a lot of people that hate the dates they've brought. Haha. It was fun trying to wedge my way between couples and "save" girls from their dates. I did dance, I can say that. So I at least made an effort, ok?

In the end, Prom wasnt a definite moment in my senior year. It was barely a night to even waste the effort to remember. Compared to an evening with the Gamecube and four people to share it with, well, pass the controller.

Cya Senioritisers/Slackers!

Thursday, April 28, 2005

The Four Letter Word from...

Every superhero has a weakness.
Superman has Kryptonite. Spiderman has his mouth. Iceman has burning buildings. Batman has his ATM Machine...

My weakness is a four-letter word which was designed to destroy me.

The Prom.

This past week has been ruined by the Prom. I have a good feeling many more weeks will be ruined by...the Prom. This social gathering for the upperclassmen is the much beloved gem of one's high school career...for some people. For others, like myself, Prom is a night that has become painfully over-glorified. I'd avoid the event altogether if I could...

...but "it's your Senior Year."

If I hear that phrase one more time, I think I'm gonna explode. I know it's my senior year of high school. My last year there. I KNOW THAT. I haven't been going to the same multi-colored prison for four years for nothing.

I understand the concept of making memories now, so they'll last a lifetime. Enjoy the time left, because it goes by so quickly. All these concepts are great, especially over milk and cookies and sitting under a pretty rainbow. But once you factor in AP Exams, research papers, scholorship applications/interviews, and then preparations for the retarded Prom, the memories you make quickly become miserable ones.

I've never been a big fan of dances. I went to them when I was young and stupid and paid money to sit and watch others make fools of themselves.

"Why don't you go enjoy yourself too?" You ask?

If ramming into some girl to crappy music for four hours is considered dancing, truth be told, I'll pass. It's not even worth it to just come to listen to the music because it's all music you could hear at home or on the radio.

I suppose companionship is necessary in order to understand all aspects of the Prom. But companionship and me really don't mix, and despite all recent efforts, I'm not looking anytime soon. It's amazing how much a date to a dance like the Prom complicates things...arrangements, pictures, costs...It also has a play on your emotions, even if you're going with someone as friends. As someone in my 3rd Block put it, going "stag" is probably the easiest way to get to the prom without any kind of entaglements beforehand.

However, Mr. "Stag", be prepared to spend a night either on the hunt or at your table by yourself or among other "Stags" who failed like you did. You may be joined by dates that aren't going so well, and all of you can reflect on the fact that at least you've had a decent $45 dinner. Oh, and thats before you add up the $100+ tux you had to wear just to eat that lovely meal. However, you should be glad you went and made memories and enjoyed yourself (eating a $145+ dinner alone).

Whatever I choose to do for the prom, I know I'm going to be miserable either way. I still fail to see how my choice affects some of you as much as it seems it will, but I fail to see a lot of things at times. Dancing is something you're built with or you either like or dislike. I don't ask you why you like to go to these events, so don't ask me why I do not.

All of you should enjoy your Proms. Make those memories, lavish in the time we have left. It's your Senior Year!!! It will be just another dinner I'll try my best to forget.

Superman, pass the Kryptonite.

Cya Pokry Promers

Monday, February 07, 2005

Philadelphia Does it Again

We've seen it happen before. A Philadelphia sports team comes within reach of a Championship, only to blow it in the end. A Philadelphia team captivates an entire city, no, an entire region spanning three states, just to let them all down again. The latest disappointment occured on our nation's grandest stage: Super Bowl XXXIX in which the Philadelphia Eagles lose by a mere three points to the Patriots, who were predicted to win by a spread of at least six points.
It's hard to see this happen time and time again, year after year to the teams and the fans who support them. The Eagles have come to the NFC Championship four times in a row, and finally advanced this year to the Super Bowl itself, all the while their fans waited on edge, ecstatic with their victories and downtrodded by their defeats. And the Eagles are not the only party responsible for Philly's cursed reputation. Think back to this past summer, when a little Philadelphia race horse named Smarty Jones took the entire nation by storm in a quest for the triple crown. He came one race shy of the crown and now the name Smarty Jones is as forgotten as the name of the glue factory he was sent to (Just kidding, of course). What about our Philadelphia Phillies, who finally had a new beautiful stadium, big name 1st baseman, and prospective lead in the MLB Eastern Division? Philly barely had time to get its hopes up before the team fell to pieces and lost that lead, falling third in the division. For those of you who remember what the NHL is: how about the Flyers who've been in the Stanley Cup Finals, twice I believe in recent years and have come up empty-handed, even to our own New Jersey Devils? The 76rs made a run for the NBA Championship a few years back with the combined strength of Larry Brown's coaching and Allen Iverson's skill, and were denied their dream by the Lakers. Each of these times, Philadelphia rose to support its teams and each time it fell just as hard as they did.
Eagles fans have had to take a lot of critism and abuse over this past season, and over the last decade or so. This is evident as you watch the highlights of Patriot players mocking T.O.'s Eagle wave by flapping their arms with their foot on the ball after making a play or touchdown. Andy Reid's taken critism for some of his decisions over the season and post-season such as resting his team for the playoffs. People were quick to doubt the Eagles at every opportunity, and underestimated their ability to perform in such a high-stakes Championship game against a team with much more experienced in such games.
Now is the time for the true fans to shine. The loss hurts, it's going to be the topic for many heated debates in the coming week, but true fans don't desert their team when they're down. True fans take the abuse that is to come, the ridicule and critism from all the non-believers that is evident down the road, and reply with "Next year." Many fans being interviewed tonight by the Philadelphia media are saying Next Year, see you in Detroit, which is the site of Super Bowl (XXXXL? eh, 40). I believe this leaves the Eagles hungry for the only thing left that eludes them, the Vince Lombardi trophy. Four times, they've risen to the NFC Championship game. They lost three years in a row and continued to fight and come back, each year hungrier than the last. Tonight, they arrived at a Super Bowl for the first time in twenty four years. After a hard-faught game which relied heavily on the defenses of both teams, the Philadelphia Eagles lost by three points.

And I couldn't be more proud of them.