Monday, May 31, 2004

Start of a Perfect Summer

Hey Everyone,

Fresh from Memorial Day Weekend and I've officially been hit with Junioritis. I am on shut-down mode to the extreme. May's gone and my work ethic has gone with it.
Well Memorial Day...the Unofficial Start of the Summer Season to those of us in the campground industry. A perfect 3-Day weekend to catch a break from a long month of school.

This weekend shoulda been the perfect weekend. I masterminded a scheme to get away form my campground and stay with Tony all weekend, free from my parents and my crappy Ceramics job. To my surprise, my parents ok'd my trip, a little reluctantly, but in the end I was allowed to go back to Hell. Hell being Tall Pines, the desolate wasteland my family and others escaped before it was run into the ground by sudden new ownership. Anyway, for haha's I was going to go back and see what it was like, plus itd be the first time I've seen Tony since Christmas.

So, Friday, my Dad takes me on his bike, after we wash it and make it all prettyful, to Tall Pines. It was rather funny trying to strap all my luggage to the bike but we accomplished the feat. He was excited cuz it was the first time he had the bike out all year. I was a litttle nervous cuz he's prone to fall asleep at the worse moments and he'd be riding by himself back to Mays Landing. Anywho, he drops me off and I have a great evening, reuniting with all the old people at my old home.

Saturday I get a phone call from my mom. "Harry, meet me by the gate (so they wouldnt charge us a jacked up visiting fee). We've had some problems. I dont want to tell you now, I dont want you
to get upset. You can leave your stuff, I'll drop you off later." I asked over and over what was wrong but she wouldnt answer. So, now she's left me to think about who died or what happened. Ok so, this was my thought process, it had to be bad because she wouldnt straight out tell me, but it couldnt be too bad becuase she'd be bringing me back to Tall Pines to continue my stay.
So my options were:
1) My Grandpa died, which as I said before I'm ready for this, he's old
and thats what old people do.
2) Our house either burnt down or someone broke into it and took our
stuff.
3) Some other none immediate family member died.

I knew my sister and dad had to be ok, cuz if one of them died, she wouldnt have told me until next week when I'd conviently notice one of them were gone. "On vacation" is the term they like to lie to my sister with.

So I left Tony asking me why I was so calm, and I responded I was thinking this whole thing out (mom says she wont tell me because she doesnt want me to get upset but here i am running every possible
scenario of every possible death in my mind) and I waited and waited and
waited for her to pick me up. Part of me didnt want her to ever show up, I was better off not knowing anything. I was happy. I was having the perfect weekend, like all the other happy kids. But part of me was also tired of being lied to, being kept from the "adult business" of death or
disaster.

Finally she pulls up and I get in the car and my sister's there and we ride for a few minutes in total silence.

"Harry," my mom starts. "...Daddy got in an accident..."

"...on his way back to the campground with the motorcycle..." I finish for her.

"How did you know?" She asks, looking at me like I was crazy.

I stared out the window, grabbing my knees. It was one of the scenarios I had played out in my head, my father strong as he was in my mind, being flung from his bike in the pitch black of night. "How bad?"

"Well...his leg is busted up pretty bad." She went on to explain the accident itself, the details involved, and her hell of a night. I tried to listen but I kept thinking about how the entire thing was my fault. If I hadnt whined and begged and complained to go to Tony's for the weekend, he wouldnt have been on the road he was on, at the time that he was. He wouldnt have had to try to avoid hitting the back of a van while
it slammed on its brakes at a yellow light, managing his bike into a curb and flipping over the bike into mud. He wouldnt be in the hospital, getting surgery today, going to therapy the next few weeks, possibly not
working all summer...

What if it was worse? What if he hit the back of that van, with its bike racks and the heavy short traffic on the road? What if he had been more seriously hurt, with no one stopping to help him on the busy highway and with my mom's cell out of service? What if he had died that night? It
would have been all my fault.

I went to go visit him with my mom and he cried when he saw me there. I got uncomfortable really fast, but I wanted to stay by my father's side and listen to his story about his night and morning. But I couldnt help but feel guilty, guilty for him being in pain, guilty for him being the
weakest I've ever seen him before in my life, and I was scared. Not long ago it had been him and I visiting my Grandfather in the hospital. We bought him some magazines and his face lit up when he saw my Dad and me there. Now my mom and I were bringing my Dad magazines and the newspaper and he looked just as frail as my Grandpa did in that hospital bed.

When I got back to the campground, I was in a bad mood. I tried my best to fake being happy all day Sunday, but it caught up with me after I got back from visiting him again that night. He was just talking about all the things we'd have to cancel this summer because of his therapy and
recovery and junk, the changes in our lives, and my mind returned to the
phrase, 'It's all my fault'. I couldnt go back to being one of the happy kids after that. I couldnt go have fun and party at the probably awesome dance in the Rally Field. I just wanted to be away from people. They were happy, and I was miserable. Tony tried to cheer me up, and Im grateful for it, but I was just too miserable that night to take his words in.

Things are ok now. We're moving on. I'm not going to say "things'll get better, they always do" cuz last time I said that and now my Dad's in the hospital. My mom and I had another fight, and without Dad to mediate us, it'll only get worse between her, my sister, and I. I still feel that the reason my Dad isnt home with us is all because of my selfishness and everytime I tell the story that feeling intensifies. So it doesnt look as if things will get better for a while.

I guess I can only look at how lucky I am. Lucky that my friends and family are safe. Lucky that no one was extremely hurt, including my Dad's bike, in this entire episode. Lucky that I still have a man to call my father and I hope that's true for a long time.

Cya

Monday, May 24, 2004

Superhyperactivsarcasticargumentativevideogameaddictativeness

is the disease I have. Lol.

I am pretty cool right now. Things have seemed to straighten out for the most part lately.

Holy Crap, schedule of upcoming events:
" Wednesday - Lincoln Douglass Debate
Thursday - Latin Trip
This weekend - Super BIG weekend at campground
June 4th - HARRY POTTER 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
^ Classic Yugi vs Kaiba Rematch to take place somewhere in there
June 15-16 - Exams (No more school!!!!)"

Im hungry.

"Super Mario is not pleased." - Quote for today.

Wow, some election ceremony today, huh?

Ok, Well, ill update better later. Um, Ryan yea, insert that sentence here. I forgot what it was word for word so...

OK CYA Nutsoes.


Friday, May 21, 2004

The Roller Coaster

Things have been confusing lately. Ive been feeling up and down more frequent than a roller coaster. Ill start a day out totally happy and end it pissed at the world. Or vica versa. Yesterday was one of those days in which I felt crappy from morning til night.
A lot of things have just been bad, from my braces to my life in general. Im anxiously awaiting the end of school, so I can go to the campground I hate so much. There I will be all alone, with my thoughts and I'll be able to sort everything out and finally regain sanity.
Im sorry if Ive been crabby or subdued lately. It most likely wasnt your fault at the time. With Baker and school events *grumble...elections....()* and home getting out of hand and other concerns, I may not have been in the best of moods when youve tried to talk to me.
And so we come upon yet another wonderful weekend. Are you as "high as a light bill?" Lol.
It's hard to put a puzzle together when you're missing some of its pieces. So if you dont have all the pieces to this one, dont go looking for them. If you are able to complete the puzzle, then that's my fault and Im sorry for wasting your time with my problems.
Things will get better, it'll only take time.

CYA

Friday, May 14, 2004

Did the Prom "Take My Breath Away"?

No. Im probably not going to be the only one who writes about the gay/straight/lameness of the prom. Is this the night we're all supposed to remember for the rest of our lives???

I imagined the prom to be more spectacular, glitzier, and not quite so crowded. In fact, the prom was no different than a regular $5 dance, except for dinner + fewer slow songs, which were to some...a good thing. THe dance floor itself is nothing compared to the openess of the gym floor, and all in all, I'd prefer a regular dance over this one.

Perhaps its because Im a sucky date, or maybe its because I just dont like dances and have absolutly no reason to, that I feel this way. Other people may say the prom was wonderful. Others very well may be having the time of their lives. I dunno, I think it's just because I make people miserable that I just dont have that much fun at these things.

CYA prom peeps

Wednesday, May 12, 2004

T minus

Yes, it's T-Minus 45 minutes before Im a metal-mouth. Im home now, and my mom definately picked me up too early, but she's cool for that.

Im thinking about all the stuff Im gonna miss eating so much...and how many times it's gonna take me to realize Im not allowed to eat the stuff Im gonna miss eating.

Haha Merry, what are you gonna do now in your lovely RP?

OK well folks, I g2g, I'm getting my last meal before the iron content in my mouth goes up about 100%. Im kinda excited about this and kinda nervous...Im going to try not opening my mouth all day tomorrow so you guys cant make funna me, but I doubt that'll last. Have fun in skool, kiddos.

CYA non brace-faces

My oppsie

I was told that they are "cicadas" not cincadas...as I stated earlier. Pronounced "sick-ade-ahs". Thanx Merry for the info. If you have any more questions about these fasinating creatures, ask Merry. Lol. She says Texas gets them all the time, not just every 17 years like stupid New Jersey...

CYA Keep on Cicada hunting!

Tuesday, May 11, 2004

Awesomeness and Not Awesomeness

Well the awesomeness part, is that when I came down here to post for all you cool peoples, I found $3 under my basement rug. It was just kinda sittin there, lol. Very strange things happen in this house, I swear its haunted.

Sad thing is, I get all excited over $3.

Not Awesomeness - Blogger's new layout!!!!!!!!!!!! I wish, I really wish I could show you guys what this looks like on my computer. It's so sad. I'm writing a box right now, that's thinner than 1/4 of my screen. Then there's all those cool blogs out there who changed their template!!!!!!!!! They look nice but my computer makes them look soooo straight. White on orange, with little size 4 loopy letters isnt cool.

Today, definately fits in the "Regular school day" category. Tomorrow, Im in for my two year sentence. It's weird thinkin that in 24 hours, I'll have metal jammed in my mouth. I cant even imagine myself in these things. Im just glad my date to prom doesnt mind. At least she says she doesnt...

What was up with Baker goin all Van Gogh on us?!? Ha, have fun in her class 2morrow without me guys. Stupid letters. Though this one does take the cake: "Dear Aeneas,
I was stupid. I dunno what my problem was. I cant believe I said that. I am an idiot. Im as fickle and changeable as...*
Dido."

* Contents of this letter must be screened for this author's safety...and happiness in the future.

$3 just like that, right under the rug. Awesomeness!!!!!!

I have a problem. When I come home from school and/or golf, I cant help but fall dead asleep on my couch. This is fine, for I am very tired, but then I cant fall asleep at night. Unlike you cool people, I just cannot function on 4 hours sleep.

Do I have a Pointless Statement 4 today? Hmmm...No, today was just too mundane...

OOoo wait wait!!!!

"The 17 year cincada. Look for them! I look everyday!!!!"
--Kuhar

Cincada? Chicada? I dont remember what the stupid thing was called, but once every 17 years, this bug comes out of the ground and makes lots of noise. Cool huh? Lol, "...This is Mrs. Kelk with a few words of....ah....ah...Cincadas!!!!!! Ah!!!!!!"

Man-eating Cincadas...hahaha...

Lying without realizing it is a serious disease, I think its contagious.

Ha, I did hear something funny today. The kids in Houghton's Physics class have to actually do work!!! Hahaha. Nah, we did some work, but there was still time for a quick game of cards, it helps when you can use the teacher's gambling addiction against her. Al, try to play off her laziness man!!!! She's gotta be feelin senioritis soon...

Senioritis...now there's a funny subject. Yes, it is possible for teachers to catch this disease. I highly recommend all fellow students who have tough teachers to try it.

I lef the jag and I took the Rolls. Yep I did. $3....

Ok peoples, like I said, look under your rug, money may not grow on trees but....or maybe my house is just crazy, I dunno. $3.....Im so happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ima gonna go.

CYA Prom hopefuls

Sunday, May 09, 2004

Back to Business

Sis took the shower, gota wait for it to free up. So in the meantime, I suppose I could update.

Well, I think I'm better now. I'm not sure if I'm all right in the head again, but...

It's great to know that there are people who listen. You may not always be willing to share everything that's going on in your life, but as long as you have someone who is willing to listen to what's up, you should be ok. If the particular person I'm speaking of didnt step up to this challenge, I think things woulda been really bad in this neck of the woods right about now.

I also apologize if I didnt feel like talking if any of you tried to talk to me about things recently. Sometimes you are all just better off not knowing.

Quiet weekends in the middle of nowhere are pretty good remedies for bad moods.

This week's prom should be interesting. With all the coupling that's been going on in the past month, I doubt anyone will be in"the club" by the end of that night.

Al, Id like to tell you that this half of Baker's Breakers will be back tomorrow, but I dunno what my mood will be like tomorrow.

I really dunno if I am over all this. I cant predict the future (even if I can predict dice rolls) and I cant predict how tomorrows events will affect my feelings.
So, dont be surprised if I come online tomorrow and write that I'm a stupid idiot again.

CYA



Thursday, May 06, 2004

Not a Perfect Person

You were right and I was wrong. You were right about everything. You were right about everything you've ever said about me, and now I've given up...on myself.

No one can be happy all the time. It's against human nature. I try, I try my very best, but you enjoy being negative to me. I've been called many names, many things in my life. Usually, I smile like it doesnt bother me, and try my best to comeback with a retort. It's the way I've survived school since 6th Grade. You can't show 'em that they've hurt you, cuz that's handing over the victory.

So you were right, and I was wrong. I am a jerk. I am a dumbass. I am a slob. I am stupid. I am gay. I do have a big mouth. I am loud. I am annoying. I am disruptive. I am an idiot. I cant say my own things. I am a terd. I do walk with terrible posture. I am slow. I am terrible at all sports including golf. I dunno when to leave people the f-ck alone when Im supposed to. I tell stupid stories. I am a dissapointment. I am a horrible student. I am whipped. I never think ahead. I waste your time. I'm not funny. I dont know how to eat properly. My handwritings a mess. I cant jump. I do need to shave. I suck. I lie, constantly. I lie without knowing it. I cant be trusted. Im messed up in the head. I cant catch or throw. I have such a horrible memory, I can barely remember your name sometimes. I dont sleep. I am never going to impress you. I am never going to drive a car. I am the youngest person in our class. My voice squeaks. I 'eyeball' teachers. I dont understand pre-calc...ever. I dont understand you, even though Im supposed to. I dunno how to make you happy again when your mad or sad. I am always in the way. I dont know how to ask you the right questions. I am lazy. I cant think straight anymore.

By 4th block, I was really messed up. Things caught up, they always do, and I couldnt handle my own head any more. If you werent there, I did my best not to let you know...you probably dont care anyway. My parents ask what's wrong but I cant tell them. I dont tell them anything. Never have. I suppose you should just continue being negative to me for your own amusement. If it makes you happy, please do, I'll get over it...eventually. I ask for half of this, so it's not like I dont expect it anyway. One day, I know Im just gonna break down. The way I was in 4th Block was nowhere near the way I feel now. Because now I realize it was more than just you, my entire life is negative.

Im done arguing, there's no point. So you win. I give up. The End.

Nothing to Post Part II

Yep...I screwed up. Payin the consequences, picking up the pieces...

Well there's not much to write about here in SERA, but I also dont have the time to write my famous novel posts...I probably will...well I was gonna say tonight but I got some important Track Meet to watch today and then MY tux to pick up after that. Factor in whatever junk Baker could give us and dinner and, well no Blog time in there.

K CYA sports stars

Tuesday, May 04, 2004

Flak

"Leo - ***

Tension builds among different facets of your life. Confusion runs amok, even with those you have had a clear understanding with. Realize that you might not find the answers immediately. You will greet greater affluence in the next few weeks and months."

My horoscope for today pretty much sums things up. I understand that some of you may be mad at me for my comment on Ryan's blog. Now, allow me to give you the reason for such a comment. I wrote it in SERA in response to a *joke* involving myself and others. Actually it was in response to multiple *jokes* that have been made over the last few weeks. While some *jokes* are funny, others just hurt or are extremely annoying or embarrassing to others. I understand that what I said hurt someone very much and I've apologized for it. It was not my intention for that to occur. I only wanted Ryan to see that his *jokes* were unappreciated as I mentioned to him before.

I'd like to echo what was said in Zach's blog about repeatedly calling people gay, joke or not. It makes people pissed regardless of who's smiling when the words are said. My comment was wrong, now I feel it is time for *joke*-sters to realize the same about what they say. You may hurt people day in and day out, without even knowing it.

Monday, May 03, 2004

Another Manic Monday

Update Time...

Hmm, Dunno what he length of this will be, but for those of you who complain incessently about my post length...maybe you should look at some of your own...*cough cough* Ryan *cough cough*...before cry over mine.

Let's see...whats going on now...hmm...

Today's been a dreary kinda day. The mood was set by drizzle and colder temperatures. Then, if for whatever reason you werent feeling like crap already, they show you the consequences of Drunk Driving or in some cases, the consequences of driving at all.

Ok, we all know driving drunk(ly) is bad...but seeing so many images and the stupid sad songs they put in the background was enough to make anyone who possesses emotion to show it. Then the parents of a teen who was killed speak and its all gone from there. I tried my best to retain composure, but why is that? Why cant I just share how I'm feeling?

...seeing all those pictures just makes me think back to my cousin. How the last time I'd ever see her was at Christmas, and I barely spoke to her at all. How strong my aunt, uncle, and her brother were when we visited for Easter, just two weeks after the accident, and how fast they seemed to return to normal. How...in one moment...anyone on the face of this planet could be gone, regardless of race, class, social status, or how much they are loved by others. But then I go back to trying my best to hide how I feel and I keep a knuckle at the side of my eye to threaten any tears back in place.

Well anyway, um, How are all of you?

You'll all be happy to know that according to my finacial chart we are steadily climbing to the normal status, though prom expenses and these delicious little Tastycakes we have lying around may bring us back where we were...

Saturday we went to a Phillies game at the...uh...Cit. Citizens Bank Park...what a stupid name. The park itself looks very nice, but the name....infuriates me. What if Citizens Bank gets bought out, or undergoes a name change like that bank on Landis Avenue??? Hope they have lots of white-out cuz the name is everywhere...

About the game, I have a theory. I think the Phillies would be good...if they didnt suck so bad. Now where did I hear that from?

I love that feeling you get when you finish all your homework in school and you come home and have the night to relax...

...Night and afternoon if your practice has been cancelled.

Ad lib the Honor Society Induction....YEAH OK. What would I say? I could make it go from a formal to informal event really fast...but I dont think that's what she wants...

Dont try to be cool and set your cell phone as your third alarm clock...unless your a trained certified professional. It sounds much too much like the Smoke Detector and it was much too far from my bed this morning for me to be dumb enough to try that again.

Oh, heres another good one. Dont fight "Karate Guys" in your sleep. You may be doing Kung-Fu moves without realizing it. I almost kicked through the top bunk of my trailer bunk beds this weekend, trying to front kick a ninja thug in the back during this huge street fight in my dreams.

...or maybe I was kicking the Phillies pitcher that night, Padilla...

POINTLESS STATEMENT OF THE DAY

"It's hard to carry dooty."
--Ms. Baker

Yessir, teaching at it's finest.

Everyone seems coupled. That's so nice. But those who are feeling lonely, may be too blind to see their better half, even if they may be hidden in a cacoon.

MY HOROSCOPE FOR YESTERDAY...ACCORDING TO THE BRIDGETON NEWS
--I like Horoscopes, sometimes they are creepily correct...sometimes...I seem to be missing today's paper thou, so here's yesterdays horoscope!

"LEO - ****
Dont allow negativity to mar what could be a perfectly wonderful day or two. Your ability to enjoy friends, neighbors, and those around you is heightened. Let others express their enthusiasm. Another's idealism hits you. Tonight: Keep the weekend spirit going."

Interesting. I was awfully negative about the campground. The place absoulutly sucks. There is no one there first of all, so I'm lonely...and bored on top of that. Maybe I can get away from there this weekend.

...Hah here's something funny in the comics that I can relate to the Phillies.

A reporter asks Larry Bowa, "What surprises have the first couple of weeks of the regular season revealed about your team?"
Thinking a bit, he responds, "For one, I think the Batboy has a good shot at becoming Mr. October."

HAHA. Ok, Now I think Im done. This is update enough for now.

Oh Zach, certain people are not put on Earth solely for your amusement. Lol.

If I spill Ketchup on myself one more time, for not paying attention to what I'm doing whle squirting that friggin bottle...Im gonna....feel like more of an idiot.

Ok, that's it. Nice pic on Al's blog, Cait. Ryan was this length acceptable? Oh well, Hi Merry. John, you and me....we need a name...like the "Ms. Baker Distrator Squad"!!!!!!!!!!! Or something...yeah...Johnny, please I need you to reveal the secrets of Pac-Man to me!!!!!! There's gotta be more than just "Dont think so much about it" to learn!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!

Am I as stupid as Allison says?

Dont answer that.

CYA 21st Century Students

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