Thursday, May 06, 2004

Not a Perfect Person

You were right and I was wrong. You were right about everything. You were right about everything you've ever said about me, and now I've given up...on myself.

No one can be happy all the time. It's against human nature. I try, I try my very best, but you enjoy being negative to me. I've been called many names, many things in my life. Usually, I smile like it doesnt bother me, and try my best to comeback with a retort. It's the way I've survived school since 6th Grade. You can't show 'em that they've hurt you, cuz that's handing over the victory.

So you were right, and I was wrong. I am a jerk. I am a dumbass. I am a slob. I am stupid. I am gay. I do have a big mouth. I am loud. I am annoying. I am disruptive. I am an idiot. I cant say my own things. I am a terd. I do walk with terrible posture. I am slow. I am terrible at all sports including golf. I dunno when to leave people the f-ck alone when Im supposed to. I tell stupid stories. I am a dissapointment. I am a horrible student. I am whipped. I never think ahead. I waste your time. I'm not funny. I dont know how to eat properly. My handwritings a mess. I cant jump. I do need to shave. I suck. I lie, constantly. I lie without knowing it. I cant be trusted. Im messed up in the head. I cant catch or throw. I have such a horrible memory, I can barely remember your name sometimes. I dont sleep. I am never going to impress you. I am never going to drive a car. I am the youngest person in our class. My voice squeaks. I 'eyeball' teachers. I dont understand pre-calc...ever. I dont understand you, even though Im supposed to. I dunno how to make you happy again when your mad or sad. I am always in the way. I dont know how to ask you the right questions. I am lazy. I cant think straight anymore.

By 4th block, I was really messed up. Things caught up, they always do, and I couldnt handle my own head any more. If you werent there, I did my best not to let you know...you probably dont care anyway. My parents ask what's wrong but I cant tell them. I dont tell them anything. Never have. I suppose you should just continue being negative to me for your own amusement. If it makes you happy, please do, I'll get over it...eventually. I ask for half of this, so it's not like I dont expect it anyway. One day, I know Im just gonna break down. The way I was in 4th Block was nowhere near the way I feel now. Because now I realize it was more than just you, my entire life is negative.

Im done arguing, there's no point. So you win. I give up. The End.

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